Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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