Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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