Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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