I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
