So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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