his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
