Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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