What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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