Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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