Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
