What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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