covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
