Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
