I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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