she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
