just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
