I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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