That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
