he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
