dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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