1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Will exercising make me less horny?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
