Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think my mom watched the whole time
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
