so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
