You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
