well you can't waste a boner
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
