Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
