how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
