Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
