I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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