I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
