Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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