this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
