I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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