Kareoke will never be a sober sport
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
