You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it because I queefed?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He passed out mid-signature
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
