i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
