I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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