were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
