bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
