his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
