He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dicks are not precious.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
