Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
