How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
