it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
