The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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