dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
