I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
