Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
