chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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