i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
