So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
