Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
