he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do herpes really smell.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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