gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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