oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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