Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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