the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
