I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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