so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
then he tried to convert me to islam
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
